Let's have a few laughs! Post your favorite joke!
(no racist / racism jokes, please post in good taste, thanks!)
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: �California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'
One week later, The Statesman Journal, a local newspaper in Oregon, reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Salem, Oregon, Ole Olson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Oregon had already gone wireless.
Who said Oregonians are hicks?
-- Begin Cheesy Joke --
A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender caught glimpse of this, and immediately yelled: "Hey! We don't serve ham sandwiches here!"
The ham sandwich sat down and said: "That's okay, I only wanted a beer anyway."
-- End Cheesy Joke --
Not a joke per se, but nice bit of geek humor (I'm pretty sure everyone's read this, but here goes).
How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot:
C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
PERL
You stab yourself in the foot repeatedly with an incredibly large and very heavy Swiss Army knife.
Assembly Language
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
At the retirement home a nurse sees an old man, at least 95, maybe even 100 years old. He is busy reading a Linux book! So she asks, "Why are you reading a Linux book?" He replies, "Well, I don't have much time left in this world and I'm sure that the computers in Heaven are running Linux. So I just want to be ready."
"But happens if you wind up in, you know, that other place?"
"No problem. I have a Vista book too!"
Steven Wright:
I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said
to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is
traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything
happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job."
This has got to be my all time favourite:
xkcd - A Webcomic - Real Programmers
makes me giggle every time I read it
An Aardvark walks into a Bar, and the Bartender says, "Hey! Why the Long Face?!?"
(Not mine. Not sure where it originates.)
An SQL query walks into a bar, sees two tables, and asks: "Can I join you?"
Ren� Descartes walked into a bar and ordered a drink. When he finished, the bartender asked, "Would you like another?". Descartes replied "I think not." and instantly disappeared from existence.
^^^^
lol
Harking back to a previous post that insisted there are no female SAs I hope I get away with this one from a Think Geek T-shirt:
$> man woman
$> Segmentation fault (core dumped)
Two engineers were riding in a hot air balloon. They were blown off course and were completely lost. They finally saw a guy on the ground and they shouted "Can you tell us where we are?" After a few minutes, the guy yelled back "You're up in a balloon." One engineer said to the other, "Just our luck to run into a mathematician". The other engineer responded, "How do you know he was a mathematician?" "Well, in the first place he took a long time to answer; second, his answer was 100% correct; and third, it was totally useless."
A game warden came upon a duck hunter who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to "enforce the laws pending".
He stopped the hunter, flashed his badge and said, "Looks like you've had a pretty good day. Mind if I inspect your kill?"
The hunter shrugged and handed the ducks to the warden.
The warden took one of the ducks, inserted his finger into the duck's butt, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's a Washington state duck. Do you have a Washington state hunting license?"
The hunter pulled out his wallet and calmly showed the warden a Washington state hunting license.
The warden took a second duck, inserted another finger in the bird's butt, pulled it out, sniffed it, and said, "This here's an Idaho duck. Do you have an Idaho state hunting license?"
The hunter, getting annoyed, produced an Idaho state hunting license.
The warden took a third duck, conducted the same finger test, and said,
"This here's an Oregon state duck. Do you have an Oregon state hunting license?"
Once again, only this time more aggravated, the hunter produced the appropriate license.
The warden, a little disappointed at having struck out, handed the ducks back to the hunter and said, "You've got all of these licenses, just where the hell are you from?"
The hunter dropped his pants, bent over, and said "You're so smart, YOU tell ME!"
Hung Chow calls into work and says "Hey Boss, I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, tummy ache and sore leg. I not come work".
The Boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and ask her for $ex. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls his Boss and says "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house...:D"
A classic:
unzip ; strip ; touch ; grep ; finger ; mount ; fsck ; more ; yes ; umount ; sleep
I just go here for my daily laughs:
Fmylife - FML : Your everyday life stories.
Some of them are pretty funny 
And I just found this the other day:
Chuck Norris Facts
This one has actually a continuation:
The guy on earth heard that exchange and yelled back:
"You sure are managers, aren't you?"
"Yes, we are managers. How did you know?"
"Well, first you use a device you are not qualified to operate, then you become completely lost and finally, somehow this is my fault now."
bakunin
This guy is hunting duck one day, and manages to score only one. He chases down the carcass, only to find that it has landed on the other side of a fence marked "PRIVATE PROPERTY -- KEEP OUT!"
He looks around for signs of other people, and not finding any climbs over the fence.
Suddenly a shot rings out. "Hey! What are you doing on my property?" he hears. A second later, an old man comes into view riding a 4 wheeler.
"I came to get my duck," the hunter tells the old man.
"Like hell you are! That duck is on MY PROPERTY, so it's MINE!" shouts the old man.
The hunter, clearly not willing to give up without a fight, yells "I SHOT it! It's MINE! Now, get out of my face before I hurt you, old man!"
"Well," muses the old man, "around these parts we have a way to solve this kind of problem. We take turns kicking the other guy in the nuts, and whoever gives in first, loses."
The hunter, thinking he's in pretty good shape and obviously a lot tougher than this old man, says "Fine! Bring it on, old man!"
The old man says, "Since this is my property we're on, I get to go first."
The hunter steels himself, and says, "Ready, old man!"
The old man winds up and delivers a kick that almost knocks the hunter out from the pain. He writhes on the ground for 15 minutes, squirming and holding his bruised nuts.
Finally, he stands up and snarls, "Now it's MY turn, old man! GET READY!"
The old man says, "Nah, that's OK. You win. You can have the duck."
At a doctor's shop one morning a patient arrives complaining of serious
backache. The doctor examines him and asks him "What the hell did you do to
your back?
"The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club?
Today morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone.
As looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing
himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. That's how I strained my
back"
The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor
says "My previous looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened
to you?"
He replies, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now. Today was the
first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I
was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you
won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."
The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients
do.The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor!"